I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
