I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
