Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
