on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
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I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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