I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
