the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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