I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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