Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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