im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
