At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
