Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
