matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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