Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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