First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
