Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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