dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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