...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
