apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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