He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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