yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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