Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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