I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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