Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck appropriateness.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
