Jerry, you need to find god
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
