Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
