just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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