you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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