I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me I should be a condom model.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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