This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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