Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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