When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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