Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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