The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
