the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
