If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
