i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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