If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
