im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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