I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
