Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
