I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
