i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
