Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
