I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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