I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My life is pants optional.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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