so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
