He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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