is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
