Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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