we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
