you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
