What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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