i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
