Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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