Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
