eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
