Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
