I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize