you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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