My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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