Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
