i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
