Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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