the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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