I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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