I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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