Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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