i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
