You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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