If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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