dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
