God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
