it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
