That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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